When It Just Seems So Damn Hard To Get There!!!

Some days just make you crave this! But there is another path to peace…

You know exactly what I am talking about, now, don’t ya??? When you are trying Soo….Freakin’…….HARD to reach a much desired goal. The frustration of delays is just that much more pissed-mood-inducing when you have been dealing with continual set backs since the day you started! GRRRRR!!!! ARRRGGHHH!!!! $#**@&!!!!!!!

At times like this,  the life coach in me leaps galliantly out of the woodwork, sporting her Super Hero cape and perky tits! (Mine has Hello Kitty ears on her headgear, of course!) And what does the sassy savior of my life shout? “Reframe that, ya silly beotch!!!”

The art of the “reframe”–it’s my best pal! This simple thought process we can all learn enables us to merely CHOOSE to view our situation in a different, positive light. When frustrated repeatedly and just about nothing is going according to our plan, we tend to perceive everything in life as just a steaming sack of horse sh*t. And that is when I do the following:

1. Release that steam! Cuss, kick the beanbag chair, rant up a storm to your BBF, whatever you need to do to release  tension so you are primed to reconsider your life.

2. Ask myself the following ???: What could be the hidden benefit to this situation? What actions do I need to take to allow life to flow more smoothly? What is the worst thing about this dilemma? Now is it really that dang bad? This are some basic starters, and there are many more depending on the “mess” at hand.

Most importantly, I always remind myself of Divine Order. The Universe provides for me in whatever manner serves me best at the time. I simply can’t receive something I am not ready for, and that is all there is to it. Reflecting on the fact that I WILL succeed in my goal, when the time and circumstances are best, makes me oh so chipper.

Life Coach Super Hero has a mammoth “tool box” of techniques to assist me in reframing and calming down about my path, but this is just the “starter kit” I was called to share today.

If you need help reframing your life so that energy flows more smoothly, then contact me about life coaching. Call or text 317-440-8783. I work by phone with out of Indy clients. My Life Coach Super Hero can help you save your own day too!

Nobody Scores Brownie Points for Being the Next Ghandi

America needs to shove its obsession with over-achievement and perfection straight up its petooty! How toxic it is to constantly push ourselves to be bigger, better, THE MOST_________(insert your own word here) and never appreciate who we are and what we do right now.

Case in point: at a highly spiritual type of meeting, a young man expressed guilt that he wasn’t doing more in the world. His exact verbage, expressed forlornly with head hung,  was, “Mother Teresa and Ghandi only had 24 hours in the day too, and look what they did. I feel like I should be doing more.” And this came from the piehole of a grade school teacher!!! His occupation alone is doing enough for society–what daily aggravation from Indiana government’s tomfoolery this man endures just to do his job. Knowing him, he gives 120% to his students and colleagues.

Now let’s us just cease thoughts that our actions are only worthwhile and impactful energetically if they are HUGE! Bollocks! Something so “little” as to give a stranger a sincere compliment, allow another car to enter traffic as they seek to turn into the midst of a traffic jam, or simply turn off your cell phone while ordering coffee at a business, smile and say thanks to the employee serving you is enough! Kindness and courtesy go very far in contributing meaningfully to society. You don’t need to belong to the boards of 5 nonprofits, organize a gargantuan holiday gift collection at your church, or any of the other millions of time consuming activities you could be involved in. Just be a happy person, content with yourself, caring for yourself. When you love YOU and care for YOU, then you are naturally kinder to others because you exude some blissful energy!

So zip it on feeling like you have to single-handedly change the world by expending tons of time or money. Just be you and serve/give in whatever way comes naturally. Mother Teresa said, “Give, but give until it hurts.”  Try just giving til it helps!  (Thank you, author Elizabeth Gilbert for that idea!) See how much more you accomplish–all those “small” deeds do add up.

Mother Knows Best…At Least We Learn That is True When We Get Gray Hair

Well, at least my beloved mumsy knows best about many things, except her beliefs about underwear. She thinks the barn like, briefy, up-to-your-navel knickers are best. Uggghhh….diaper pants. But our disagreement regarding underwear is a topic for another day, so I shall shut up.

I am blessed with a hilarious, wise, witty, loving mom. No college education for Mumsy, but I will be dipped if she isn’t smart as a whip..book smart AND common sense to boot. Below are a few bits of her very finest advice which improved my life vastly…maybe Mumsy can help you be happier and save money too!~

She told me early on to watch the company I kept because you can’t help who you fall in love with. No joke on that one! The few times I have ever been blessed to really fall in love, it was lightening speed fast, strong as an ox, and wild as a bull in a china shop! No stopping Cupid’s arrow when it pierces you, so cavorting with fine companions only is excellent advice. Not that I didn’t kiss a few frogs until I met my prince…..ahem…..more than a few, as Mumsy will attest, but I only stuck around for very long with the good ones. And this advice is key to life in general because you are judged by the company you keep, and you tend to behave like them. Hang out with fartknockers, and you will likely wind up one yourself.

Mumsy said that when you are more often happier away from a man than when you are with him, it is time to bid him adieu. See ya! That one saved me some grief….and throughout other areas of my life as well, not just in the romance department. I have used this sage wisdom to judge when it was time to leave friendships, jobs, gyms, all types of situations. Works like a charm!

And for saving me money? Well, toward the end of a long term relationship which I had felt for sure would wind up in marriage, I brokenheartedly shared with Mumsy that I hated to leave this man right before Christmas. Things hadn’t been proceeding well at all for quite a while, had talked to Mr. Brick Wall until I was midnight blue in the face, and it was time to go. Mumsy says, “Cousin Jack always used to dump his girlfriends right before Christmas so he wouldn’t have to buy them a gift. Why buy him and his family presents, spend your holiday in Ohio, and be unhappy, knowing you want to leave him?” I pondered this and figured Mumsy knew what the hell she was talking about as usual. Cousin Jack was just being a tightass–he repaired the relationships after the holidays–saucy scoundrel!—but I truly didn’t see the sense in wasting time and money on someone who was no longer invested in our relationship. So I did the dirty deed, he packed my Christmas tree I had up at his house, and off me and my tree went! My dog got to try to eat off my family’s holiday table that year instead of his family’s! HA HA HA! So indeed, why invest your resources of time and money in ANY situation which doesn’t serve you? Again, stellar words from the woman who birthed my squirley ass.

What is your Mom’s best advice? Please share!

Self-Care for the Chronically Busy/Type A Folks

Taking care of ourselves usually winds up last on the list for business owners. I thought grad school was a time management challenge—ha ha ha! Then I started my own business. Wow. That made grad school seem like a leisurely stroll on a balmy May day. I have learned along the way, however, that if I don’t take time for me, I can pucker up and kiss my productivity good bye. I get plain old exhausted and can’t think my way out of a paper bag. My decision making stinks. I wind up doing everything over. Why not just take some time to chill with a crap filled People magazine and allow my brain to recalibrate? In the end, I am much more productive.

In case it has been so long since you have pondered quality self-care, may I suggest you recharge the batteries in the following 4 areas of your life:

1. your physical self–take care of your body. Get outside into the sun, breathe, actually stick your nose into a big bundle of blossoms and sniff those babies. Feed yourself what you need; take time to eat food with some nutrients in it that your body can use rather than fast food. Sleep. Then sleep some more. Most of us are so sleep deprived that it isn’t even funny. Cuddle up with a trusted partner for what Sasha Baron Cohen’s character Borat called “Sexy Time”. Yes, folks, making time for sex helps you feel frisky and happy. Stretch. Smile. Get a massage.
2. your emotional self–Be aware of your emotions. Talk to a friend, write in a journal, go see your counselor, whatever it takes to notice what you are feeling. If we don’t notice when we are sad or worried, then that is when we start to have physical complaints like headaches and insomnia. Your body will tell you what is going on in your head. Holding emotions tightly inside is like holding the lid down on a boiling pot of water–eventually that sucker is gonna blow! We are emotional beings, and it is ok to have them, process them, and move on. We stay stuck and feeling yucky when we don’t face our emotions.

3. your spiritual self–note I did not say “your organized religion” self. Spirituality encompasses any activity that brings you closer to your idea of the Divine, the Universe, God, the Big Cheese, Bob or whatever you like to call the creative energy that put us all here for this wacky dance called life. Sitting under a tree, marveling at a sun rise, going to a religious service on Sunday, chanting with a group…decide for you what spirituality is and then make time for it. You will feel more grounded, peaceful, and more easily trust that life will always work out in your best interest.

4. your funny bone self–you need to laugh. I mean, laugh until your stomach hurts. Not having any fun, or nothing to laugh at, just flat out stinks. I took my neices shopping last night, and they had me laughing so hard on the highway that I thought I would have to pull the car over. What a hoot! I am lucky that I laugh at anything, and I do mean anything. It is such a blessing. What does it take for you to laugh? Try Youtube. There are all kinds of ridiculous things on there; check out Leonard Nimoy singing “The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins”. That is a mess. Go to a comedy club. Go drink beer at the Rathskellar with your silliest friend. This may seem like a waste of time, but it is a true investment in yourself. Try it–you’ll like it.

Start scheduling YOU into your calendar, and see how that investment in time pays off. I guarantee it will.

A Rant About Body Image

Were I more technologically adept, I would plaster a photo right here____________ of when I weighed about 35 pounds more than I do now. Visualize this….I am a small boned, 5’6″ female with an hour glass shape. I am now a size 6-8 and weigh around 132 pounds. 20 years ago, I was a MUCH more round and ” buxom” (Mom’s term for my appearance at that ever expanding point in my life), scrunching my rolls of fat into a size 12 rather than admit I needed a size 14. My C cup funbags had exploded into a double D. Ouch. Physically and emotionally.

Nothing in my life was going well at that point….my beloved granny had died unexpectedly. Not knowing what else to do, I grieved by stuffing every food into my piehole that wasn’t nailed down. Toiling endlessly at two jobs and part time school only compounded the eating extravaganza. Thus, I just didn’t need the crap I heard from friends and strangers about my weight. It was amazing. There were more remarks than this, but below are some of the “highlights.”

One of my bosses pinched a newly acquired roll of fat on the outside of my knee, saying, “Wow. Look at that.” Another co-worker, as I lifted a heaping spoonful of apple pie into my mouth, chimed in,  “You don’t need that.” Men no longer opened doors for me as they had when I was thinner, or in any, way, shape or form acted the same around me as they had when I was smaller. Walking down the street was painful, as my uber big boobs were common fodder for men yelling at me. One person looked at me and had the nerve to say, ” You have such a pretty face. Too bad you’re so overweight.” I wish I were lying. I am not.

Please, folks, don’t give others grief about their weight! Many people have metabolic or thyroid issues, hormonal problems, etc. that make it next to impossible to lose weight. Some are simply genetically predisposed to be larger, and I saw that first hand when I was a weight loss counselor. And others are  doing the best they can–I was just a heartbroken, confused, overworked young student managing a devastating loss in the only way I knew how at that time. No one will ever benefit (or be motivated to lose weight) from a snide look cast their direction, or a snarky comment.However, we all will benefit from empathy, compassion, and respect for others, regardless of their physical appearance.

And “skinny” folks have it just as bad. And women with small funbags. Or short men. The list of what isn’t considered “attractive” or “right” about our various shapes, sizes, and colors is endless! And SO many people are picked on, teased, and mistreated for the simple “sin” of being who they are. Please realize beauty comes in every shape, form, and size. Our bodies aren’t public property for others to comment and stare at just because they get a nappy troll attitude looking at us. Consider this point:

If you tend to be judgmental about appearances, stop and consider what that says about how YOU feel about YOURSELF!

Well, there. I have had my say. I will save the topic of aging for another day. That one is a doozy!

“What Does God Mean To You?”

This is the question filmmaker Nathan Lang and his 3 cohorts posed to bevies of folks across the country in the movie “God in the Box.” No, sillies, it isn’t like Prince Albert in the can…..no ones needs to let him out. (ok, if you’re not from central Indiana, you may not get that one–just ask about it if you aren’t privy to the foolishness of Albert in the can.) Anyhooters, Nathan and pals built a black box, a bit like a porta potty, placed a camera in it along with a pad of paper and pencil, then invited passersby on the street to define what God means to them. They could either speak it, draw it, or in one man’s case, play some jaunty tunes on his guitar to it. They recorded the people as they considered and answered the question, and then produced this phenomenal movie.

Wow! So many facets of this film really made me think long and hard about lotsa stuff….interviews with renowned scholars of Christian and Muslim faiths, for one. It wasn’t just a willy nilly hodge podge of people blabbering…au contraire. It followed the course of Nathan’s early religious life, how the idea of the movie arrived in his brain, the making of the box, etc. until its logical conclusion of Nathan and his partners tentatively stepping into the box themselves to grapple with this monstrously huge topic. I scrunched my nose repeatedly while I watched, trying to understand what I was witnessing in front of me. Did I ever understand the meaning of God? Nope. I have my own ideas, of course, but the whole thing is rather enough to make me scratch my head and wonder. But a few things really stuck with me like gum on the bottom of a chair.

First, how sad I felt that so many people are afraid of God. Why does religion have to be so fear oriented–that is just jacked up beyond belief. Many participants had no idea what God is; they just knew that they didn’t want to associate with the idea of God as portrayed in some organized religions. It brings to mind the image of “Buddy Jesus” in the Kevin Smith movie “Dogma.” It is a statue of Jesus smiling, giving the the thumbs up as he gazes benevolently into the yard in front of him. How much kinder and more inviting that is than other depictions. How different people might feel if religion shared more of a friendly, happy energy than one of fear and repression.

Second, many speakers in the film longed for a connection with the Divine…it seems to be a universal part of many of us. What they had learned from their families either didn’t make sense or had been flat out harmful to their development, but yet, there was still that desire to understand better and befriend the Energy which put us all here.

Third, it made me really stop hard and consider my ideas of God, a word I really don’t feel comfortable using. It just makes me think of a cranky, curmudgeonly old geezer who is just out smite and punish people for any variety of reasons….I just think of the old testament and shudder. Who wants to think that kind of creator is partnering in your life with you? Ewww. To each his and her own, though, with all due respect to all who embrace the term God and its traditional Christian meaning. I prefer the term Spirit or Universe because I feel it leaves room for personal interpretation, yet defines that this energy is something MASSIVE and POWERFUL! Like the bumper sticker says, I do like to think of God (Spirit) as my co-pilot, someone I trust and like to travel my life with. I believe this energy has my back and won’t punish me for doing “wrong.”

So if you have nothing planned for the weekend, I suggest you check Netflix and see if “God in the Box” is available. Then share with me, “What does God mean to you?”

Dad, Vanna White Does Not Suck

Last October, Dad was in a fine fettle. He had been in the hospital since August 8th, and he was CRANKY with a capitol C. Who wouldn’t be?

As I slumped helplessly in the chair beside Dad’s bed, wishing I could do more to lift his spirits, here comes ol’ Pat and Vanna on the crap box affixed to the wall across the teeny room from his bed. Eager contestants were just drooling to spin that wheel, visions of $$$ dancing in their heads. I chuckled simply because my granny always told me she thought Pat Sajack was cute. Ewwwwww! He has zipper head! Yuck. Guess you have to be on the other side of 60 to get that one, I don’t know. Anyhooters, Dad grumbles that Vanna White has never done anything with her life except flip letters on a game show. He stared disgustedly at Vanna, like she just farted or somehow befouled the air. I merely shook my head and pondered his remark.

My parents are of the generation where one’s profession is a large part of what constitutes a person’s worth. I suspect there are quite a few people who still view it that way. Despite being raised to marry a man with a “good” job–ACK! (insert sounds of a cat spitting up a hairball)–I never cared if my love had a good job. What I cared about was that he was happy with his work and contributed regularly to the good of society. I think Vanna, and all the other folks like her performing “brainless” work, or whatever you care to call it, such as our trash men, our gas station attendants, our convenience store clerks, and servers are every bit as worthy, respectable, and necessary to all of us are our brain surgeons, lawyers, and doctors. A person’s worth stems from the fact that they are part of the Divine–we are all one in the tapestry of life. My ability to respect another human comes from how they treat themselves and others, not from the origin of their paycheck. We all need to be true to ourselves, do the work that makes us happy, and give to  society in a manner which makes us groove and glow. We are all needed to make the world go round.

So Vanna, Girl, you keep flippin’ those letters. Someone had to do that job all these years, and you have done it with style. Let us give Vanna and ourselves a round of applause for our unique contributions! And the next time you buy a Coke at the Shell Station, be grateful for the person ringing you up. There would be no beverage in your hot little paw if he or she weren’t there to sell it to you.

 

The Very Worst and Best Birthday Ever

My birthday has always been a very, extremely, HIGHLY special day–to me, anyway. As kids, our family fussed and doted over us on our big day. As I aged, I have always used this occasion  to fuss and dote over myself, minus any poo poo and caterwauling about aging. A co-worker moped at home alone and cried when she turned 25. My 25th birthday? The shenanigans in Broad Ripple that night are legendary among all who attended that party. Heh…heh….heh….

So when 45 rolled around, I planned my celebration for two, just me and Jim,  in Chicago. A massive exercise session at the gym, a long walk around the shore of Lake Michigan followed by laying out on the dog beach for a few hours, all topped off with singing “These Boots Are Made for Walking” at a karaoke bar. I was agog with glee just considering it!

I delightedly awakened on July 28th, expecting nothing but merriment. Much to my chagrin, I walked to the gym, but was unable to exercise due to extreme quadricep pain from all my exertions the week before. A massage didn’t help–in fact, the pain worsened. I could barely hobble up the stairs to our room. Long, long story short, everything I REALLY wanted to do became pretty much impossible. I was able to trod the short distance from the car to a beach, but couldn’t walk to the dog beach. 😦 To top it all off, this is the first birthday I have ever given a flying rat’s ass that I am aging. Why? Because I know I need to wear longer skirts and dresses. May seem silly, but it is true. Other aspects of aging began to bother me also…badly. I had allowed myself to get into a right good snit over turning 45. Then, on my most special of days, I could barely walk anywhere. I actually sat on the beach and cried. Boo Hoo.

After dinner, as we snuggled on a park bench and watched Puppet Bike, I began to only count my blessings rather than see what I didn’t have. I had the most fabulous, funny, patient man in the world beside me who I was lucky enough to be married to. We are both really pretty healthy, physically and emotionally. We have enough money to go on vacation. Wonderful, trustworthy folks at home were caring for our 4 hairy babies. My mom and mother-in-law loved me enough to call me on my special day, and my dad is still alive to talk to me on the phone too. I realized that I had everything I needed to have the happiest birthday ever already–I didn’t need a karaoke bar. And my wrinkles and concerns about aging? That was me buying into society’s total horse sh*t ideas about needing to forever appear that I was barely out of Mumsy’s womb. I decided to accept my face and body just as they are, and that anyone who had a problem with them was just going to have to kiss my rosy red ass.

So the next time life hands you some very bitter pills to swallow, stop. Look for the lesson, seek the joy, and know the bright side of life is indeed still there, somewhere. Ask yourself how can this situation actually be a source of happiness? There is a silver lining to every cloud. And if you can’t find it, I am a life coach. I can facilitate that perspective shift for you . (Shameless plug for self #57–HA HA HA!)

It’s a Crazy, Crazy World…..

The shooting nincompoop in Colorado yesterday just really makes us wonder what the world is coming to, doesn’t it? We know the world is in a messy Bessy state and would love to do something about it, right? Here is what you can do.

Focus on yourself and sharing all the good inside of you as much as you can, with as many people, animals and the planet as you can touch. I truly believe, despite such madness, that there is more love than hate, more love than evil, more good than bad today. Do your personal work to make our world a better place. When each of us loves ourselves and then shares that love unabashedly, even more joy and love are generated. Choose to forgive, clean up, clear out, whatever you need to do to be kinder to yourself and others.

That doesn’t sound like much, does it? Can’t the Universe, God, Allah, Buddha, someone,  provide a magic wand to just make it all go away? Nope. No such thing as a magic wand provided by a deity. But our own kindness and joy, distributed liberally, are a magic wand of our own construction that can heal and improve  our lives and all of those we touch. So nip to wavin’ your wand, folks!

What’s Your Ness?

And no, my guest blogger Jenn Seffrin isn’t talking about the Loch Ness Monster here. Ba Ha! Jenn is a Life Empowerment Coach specializing in Energy Leadership (sounds fascinating, right? Get the scoop at her website http://www.seffrinsynergy.com.) She is encouraging us to consider a different use of the letters n-e-s-s, one which can add meaning and joy to our days……

“I am rocking out to some dance-grooving tunes as I write this, in honor of Rockstar Spirit Designs who inspired this post. The creator of Rockstar designs, Holly Bahr Roberts, made me a glorious necklace last week. She asked me, “What’s your motto? What would you like it to say?” Oh, the fun began! My wheels started turning and love was the first word coming to mind. The word peace followed and also consciousness. In examining those 3 words together, I realized that peace is a byproduct of love and high level conscious thinking. That’s my drive – to share and be love and interact with life from a positive, conscious place. In being those things, I create more peace in my life which also extends out in the community around me.

“So, what about the suffix -ness?”, was the next part of my internal dialogue. I talk about conscious”ness” and find myself adding it onto other words (fun-ness, cooperative-ness,responsible-ness). It’s because -ness is attached to words to form an abstract noun denoting quality and state. That is why I like to add -ness to words. It exemplifies and emphasizes that quality. It’s being that thing. I am love”ness” and conscious”ness”. Therefore, the words on my necklace are ~

Love ~ Conscious ~ -Ness

What is your -Ness? How do you want to exemplify who you are? Consider making your own words. Have fun with it! Take words that are meaningful to you and add this suffix onto them. Think about how you show that quality in your day-to-day life. By defining it and adding your flair to it, you will find ways to be it more often.

Synergistically yours,

Jenn Seffrin”

I can personally attest to the fact that Jenn is a phenomenal coach–I have been working with her since February with fantastic results!